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[Jan. 7th, 2008|04:19 pm]

Okay, so Kara and her gf Kylie came over yesterday to celebrate dad's birthday, which was on the second. So, she had told me on the phone Sat night that Kylie had baked a cake for the occasion. So, they get here yesterday afternoon, and pandamonium ensuses in the kitchen. Kylie had to put the pineapple on the cake, and instead of putting the rings on, she decides to cut them up.

Kylie: Do y'all have a cutting board?
Me: No.
Dad: Yes, we do.
Me: What?! We have a cutting board?! When did we get a cutting board?
Dad: We've always had one.
Me: No. Seriously. When did we get a cutting board? Cause I've like never seen it.
Kara: O.O You didn't know y'all had a cutting board?!
Me: No!! I've never seen it in my life.
Dad: What have you been using when you cut garlic?
Me: The most people. WTF?

So Kylie finds our cutting board....IF you can call it that. I have never in my life seen something so damn small considered to be called a cutting board. I mean a Smurf could have used this for a cutting board and be very content. I shit you not.

Me: You call THAT a cutting board?! That is no kind of cutting board. LOOK HOW SMALL THAT IS!
Kara: Well, you're small too.
Me: .......

So while Kylie is cutting the pineapple for the cake, dad tells me on his way to the bathroom, for me to cut this onion that's as big as my head and put that and the mushrooms in a skillet to sautee to put on top of the steaks. Now, our counter top is tiny. We have like no counterspace, and there was no place for me to even try to cut the onion at. So, I went over the phone stand *which does not have a phone at it even* to cut the onion. Oh and I've got this knife which is probably as big as my arm and useless as hell.

Kara: What are you doing over there?
Me: I'm gonna cut the onion.
Kara: Over there, on the phone stand? Why?
Me: Kylie is using the counter right now, and there's no room any place else.
Kara: Like there's any room over there. Look how cluttered that is!
Me: I will make room damnit.

So, Kylie says she's done with the pineapple, and that I can use the counter. As I'm walk over to the counter with this big ass onion and this big ass knife, dad comes back in the kitchen.

Dad: *sitting at the table* Give me the onion and the knife.
Me: I got it.
Dad: Give me the knife. I'll cut the onion.
Me: *I just now got to the counter* I got it. I can do this.
Dad: Give. Me. The. Knife.

So I go over give dad the knife, onion, and 'cutting board'. He then gives me instruction on what pans to put in the oven to broil the steaks on. He did not however tell me to put the onions on top of the broiling tray. Kylie then takes a plastic pot and puts it on the stove.

Kylie: *just realizing that it's plastic and such* This won't work on here, will it.
Dad: o.0. That...goes in the microwave. It would melt on the stove.
Kylie: Ohhhhh okay.
Me: *still trying to figure out the broiling tray and pan* We're great, aren't we?
Kylie: Oh I know right? Don't leave the two of us alone in a kitchen.
Me: Word.

Mintues go by, dad goes to take a shower, after I have put the cut up onion and the whole mushrooms in a skillet. Kara is at the stove/oven. She opens up the oven door and sees the broiling tray on top of a deep baking like dish. No steaks though.

Kara: Where are the steaks?
Me: *points to a plate of steaks beside me on the counter* Right here.
Kylie: You didn't put the steaks on?
Me: Dad didn't tell me I thought I was supposed to let the stuff in the oven get hot first.
Kara: O.O NIKKIE!!!!
Kylie: *snickerfit*
Kara: Genius, fucking genius. *puts the steaks on*

Kara goes to do some of her and Kylie's laundry that they brought with them. A few minutes later, she opens the door again, and sees the steaks aren't cooking. She then checks the dials and stuff on the stove top.

Kara: >.< Who put the oven to clean???
Kylie and me: huh?
Kara: The oven!!! It's not set to broil. It's set to self cleaning!!! *looks at Kylie and myself who are pointing to each other* Geniuses!!! I'm surrounded by geniuses!!!

So after Kara fixed the oven, a few mintues *about twenty* later, the smoke alarm goes off.
Kyle: Everyone knows we're in the kitchen!
Me: oh yeah!!
Kyle and myself then HIGH FIVE each other at the smoke alarm going off.
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